Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
the biggest mistake in education: there are conditions for loving children, but there are no skills for raising children.
I have seen a news article:
A 2-year-old child took part in a balance car race and lost.
after the game, the mother has been scolding the girl: "you have no face to cry, walk the bay all the time". At the same time, the mother also cooperated with the tapping on the helmet on the girl's head.
the whole process lasted about 10 minutes.
when others saw that the mother was indeed hideous, and that her child lost the game, it was a sad thing that she had to beat and scold.
the longer you are a mother, the more you can understand the anxiety of parents.
as a mother, she does want her children to succeed, but there is one question worth thinking about:
the answer is unknown.
in real life, we often hear such words:
if you are disobedient, your mother will not love you;
finish your homework quickly, your mother loves you most;
again, if you are so naughty, I will throw you away.
conditional education, which is similar to "I don't love you if you are not good" and "what do you want, I will love you", can be seen everywhere in the relationship between parents and children.
parents keep saying that they love their children, but with conditions all the time.
We are trying to learn parenting skills, but we are not trying to raise a satisfied child.
I can't help but wonder whether our love is not good enough, or is there something wrong with our educational methods?
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unconditional love for children is the courage of parents
children's achievement, firmly ranked first in the class, what will happen to you?
when children are in class, they either sleep or paint. What will happen to you?
when you have a parent-teacher meeting, you are either a negative model or ignored by the teacher, what will happen to you?
what will happen to a girl who, with boys in the community, makes a fuss or even fights?
in the TV series "in the name of the Family", Li Jianjian is such a "low achiever" and "naughty" child.
however, Li Jianjian's father never blamed his child for it, and sometimes he would "fool around" with his child. At the parent-teacher meeting, other people's parents were discussing learning and sharing educational methods with their teachers, but he was talking and laughing with his daughter.
especially lucky, Li Jianjian, who was so indulged by his father, did not turn into a lawless, ignorant, old and indifferent child.
after graduating from college, she opened a woodcarving studio with her elder sister, which is not only a job she likes, but also has the ability to support herself. In her career, she will move forward step by step.
seeing that my father is old, he will quietly ask his neighbor to introduce his girlfriend and worry about his father's happiness.
I often go home to accompany my father for dinner and chat, and take the initiative to help with the housework.
although she is not very rich or rich, she has plans and ideas about her own life; spiritually, she also has the ability and courage to reconcile with herself and treat others kindly.
for an ordinary person, there is nothing better than this.
be calm and happy, have the ability to love yourself, and have the spare power to love others.
looking back at her father's education, we find that behind doing nothing, the child's self is achieved.
teacher Fan Deng, founder of Fan Deng Reading, points out in his book "growing up with Children for Life" that children are more like living forests and should be allowed to grow up in their own way. All you can give is sunshine, rain, proper fertilizer, companionship and patience.
at the same time, he also stressed that the three pillars of parent-child education are unconditional love, a sense of value and the mentality of lifelong growth.
among them, he puts unconditional love first.
parents often have a misunderstanding of unconditional love, equating unconditionality with doting.
in fact, doting is conditional love.
"bottomless support" is a synonym for doting, even if you know your child is wrong, the reason behind it is that it is difficult to face a "problem" child.
in fact, it is the hidden condition of loving children: "I love only good children."
conditional "love" is not love, but transformation and control, but connivance and misleading;
unconditional "love" is love. Even if you criticize, it will make children feel that I am with you both good and bad, I love you, and I am willing to face and grow with you.
to love children randomly, parents need to understand that no child in the world is perfect, and no child will grow up completely according to the template given by his parents.
based on this, we also love children.
having the skill to raise children is the wisdom of parents
this summer, the two most eye-catching girls, besides the happy Li Jianjian, are the independent Zhong Fangrong.
left-behind children, but achieved enviable results; she chose almost all her majors, but she dared to do what she wanted, choosing the ones she liked best but were relatively unpopular.
many netizens express that it is not easy to come from a poor family. Shouldn't you choose an easier way to go?
in this regard, Zhong Fangrong's parents are very simple, but they are worth pondering:
in the process of their daughter's growth, they were forced to be absent because of reality, but their support for their daughter was extreme.
when the teacher reminded Zhong Fangrong that she needed to go to a better school, her father said:
but they never demanded their children's grades. They always stood far away and told the girls.Son: "just do your best."
these four words reveal all-out support and heartache, which is the most effective parenting for children.
even if her parents lack their own growth, she can make peace with her parents and herself, because children who are understood are better able to understand others.
even if her parents do not understand their hearts, she can reach the depths of their hearts, because she has seen with her own eyes what love and life is to be a parent.
the best skills for raising children are full support, respect, trust and waiting for flowers to bloom.
just like the two girls who participated in "where are Daddy going?" 7 years ago, Mori Pan and Huang Duoduo.
once the wind-like women's forest disc and the sensible and clever Huang Duoduo, now, one is a sports girl with enviable lines, getting better and better on the road "like the wind", and the other is "National Girl," versatile, gentle and lovely, who can get on the stage, enter the kitchen, design clothes, and translate masterpieces.
the two girls, with different styles, live the way they want.
on the contrary, the parents behind them all have one thing in common: as long as their children like it, as long as they need to grow up, they will try their best to satisfy and support them.
two girls, no matter the good or the bad, have no template, soar freely in their own life.
respect the law of children's growth, raising children is not tired at all
when the child is still in the belly, we always want to look forward to the appearance of the child's arrival.
when the child is still in infancy and needs us to hold, carry, coax, worry and worry, we always hope that the child can grow up quickly, run independently and be self-sufficient.
however, as children get older and their personalities become increasingly prominent, we will become more and more anxious and often sigh that the older the child is, the more difficult it is to manage.
even feel powerless.
in fact, everything has its own law of development. Parents love their children and their children should be independent. This is the law between parents and children.
We love children, so we simply love them, with no strings attached, and do not change our original intentions.
when we raise children, the most successful thing is that our children go farther and higher and fly higher and higher.
the love between parents and children is always in the process of separation, gradually growing and reconciling with each other.