Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
some people say: on the way of educating children, flowers bloom wherever the heart is.
however, many parents think that they spend a lot of time and energy on their children, but their children's performance is not satisfactory.
procrastination, procrastination, no sense of time, addicted to electronic products, bad temper, like to respond to parents, self-righteous …...
all this makes parents anxious, worried and confused.
in fact, the more this is the case, the less confused we are, and the more we have to calm down and stabilize ourselves.
keep your mouth steady
A good education starts with good companionship, and good companionship is inseparable from good communication between parents and children.
so if parents want to stabilize themselves, they should start by stabilizing their mouths.
keep your mouth shut, refrain from nagging and scolding, and try not to blurt out when you are excited or angry.
the TV series Xiao Shedi, which is now a hit, has a plot about Xia Junshan losing his temper when he was tutoring his daughter Huanhuan's homework and could not help but get angry at her daughter.
the more you talk, the more you talk, and the more you scold, the more irrational you are.
as a result, Huanhuan cried and vomited, and afterwards she told her mother that she didn't like her father more and more.
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seeing this, many parents have the same feeling: what they say when they are angry is like spilled water that cannot be taken back.
it not only hurts the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, but also makes the parent-child relationship farther and farther away.
especially for rebellious children, parents preach excessively, like annoying, high-decibel noise, causing the child to want to escape and straining the parent-child relationship.
if it is serious, some drastic actions will be made to make parents repent.
A 17-year-old boy in Shanghai was reprimanded by his mother when she was driving him home because he had a conflict with his classmates at school.
Mother and son quarreled and the boy got off the bus angrily and jumped off the bridge to his death.
Last year, a boy in the third year of junior high school in Wuhan jumped to his death after his mother was called to school for playing cards with his classmates. He scolded him in the class corridor and slapped him in the face.
as the saying goes, "good words are warm in three winters, but evil words hurt people in June."
inappropriate words are like a hail of bullets, hurting every word, while warm words make people feel like a spring breeze.
parents who can control their mouths can win the trust of their children and make them willing to approach you.
the tone and temperature of parents' speech affect the height and pattern of their children's growth.
stabilize their emotions
parents' emotions will directly affect the development of their children's character.
parents with stable emotions bring up children who are calm and confident and sunny;
parents whose emotions are changeable, the children raised are either timid, sensitive and inferiority complex, or irritable and stubborn.
so on the way to their children's growth, parents should learn to stabilize their emotions, manage and control their emotions for the sake of their physical and mental health.
once heard such a story:
there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him to hammer a nail into the wall every time he lost his temper.
at first, the boy hammered many nails into the wall every day.
later, he slowly learned to control his emotions, and the number of nails hammered into the wall gradually decreased every day.
because he found it easier to control his temper than to drive a nail.
he told his father about his changes, and his father advised him to pull a nail from the wall if he could control his temper every day.
as time went by, the boy finally told his father that all the nails had been pulled out.
the father pointed to the hole left by pulling the nail out of the wall and said to the boy, "the wall will never be as smooth and complete as it used to be."
every time we lose our temper with others, we leave scars, just like these holes. "
even if times change, the wound still leaves a mark.
this story, which seems to be educating children, is also applicable to parents.
managing good emotions is a compulsory course for every parent.
when emotions come, try to trade time for space, that is, time to cushion fire for space to deal with calmly.
in order to avoid quarrels, quickly stay away from children for a while and calm yourself down.
find a space to be alone, take a deep breath, listen to music, watch the news, and do something to distract yourself.
when emotions come, try to be "inconsistent" and imagine that we are not dealing with children, but outsiders.
when facing outsiders, many people are able to control their words and deeds most of the time, even if they have great dissatisfaction.
this is the so-called "favor others at the expense of family".
in fact, when we have emotions in dealing with our children, we should make sure that we have a good family and ourselves.
learn to stabilize and dissolve emotions, rationally use love to understand, tolerate and guide children, and try their best to protect their physical and mental health.
stabilize your heart
some people say: "the heart is the master of all things."
if you can stabilize your heart and be a big parent, everything will suddenly become clear.
the poem "Walking in your own time Zone" once wrote:
"everyone in the world has their own time zone for development.
they are all in their own time zone, you are in yours, in your own time zone arranged for you by fate, oneThey are all very punctual. "
parents have their parents' time zone, and their children have their children's time zone.
be a big-hearted parent and learn to accept your children with understanding and tolerance.
be a big-hearted parent, don't be too picky and ask your child, don't infinitely magnify your child's shortcomings and deficiencies, let alone deal a blow to your child's self-esteem and self-confidence.
parents should be good at discovering and focusing on the bright points and advantages of their children, and give them recognition, appreciation and encouragement in time.
once heard a story about the famous educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi's "four candies":
A boy tried to hit a classmate with a brick. Tao Xingzhi stopped him in time when he saw it and asked him to come to the office.
after learning the situation, Tao Xingzhi returned to the office and found that the boy was waiting for him, so he took out a candy to reward the boy because the boy was more punctual than he was.
then, he rewarded the boy with a candy and said, "I won't let you hit someone, so you stop immediately, which shows that you respect me."
then Tao Xingzhi rewarded the boy with the third candy on the grounds that the boy's classmate bullied the girl. Tao Xingzhi thought the boy had a sense of justice.
finally, the boy took the initiative to admit his mistake to Tao Xing, thinking that what he had done was wrong and should not start on his classmates.
hearing this, Tao Xingzhi rewarded him with another candy.
during the whole process, Tao Xingzhi did not say a word of reproach, but he achieved the goal of education.
the story of "four Sugar" conveys the power of such generous education, appreciation education and positive discipline.
being an open-minded parent and stabilizing your heart will not only help to broaden the pattern of education, but also help to broaden the pattern of children's growth.
only by stabilizing their hearts can parents win the respect and trust of their children and walk calmly into their children's hearts.
it is said that parents are the best teachers for their children, and the most effective education for their children is by deeds and deeds.
Children will be confident and cheerful only when their parents keep their mouths steady;
parents can stabilize their emotions, and their children will be calm;
parents can stabilize their hearts, and their children will be physically and mentally healthy.
can stabilize their parents, bring their own light, illuminate their children, but also illuminate themselves.