The greatest goodness of human nature: knowing how to transposition
Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
what's your first reaction when it comes to thinking about others?
many people will say: simple, it is to think about things from each other's point of view.
Yes, this is what teachers have taught us since primary school.
but in real life, not everyone can do this.
most of the transpositions and understandings are reduced to one sentence: I know it is difficult for him, but what can I do?
the real transposition is not only to change the angle, but to put yourself into the other person's situation, thinking about him without subjective judgment.
A person's level of thinking for others has to go through at least three stages:
know whether you can, whether you are willing or not.
I know you are suffering. I would like to come and enlighten you
once read a story about an old woman who gave birth to two daughters, the eldest daughter selling umbrellas and the younger daughter selling shoes.
although making a living is not a problem, the old woman is not happy. She sits by the roadside crying all day, crying in sunny days and in rain.
passers-by were puzzled and asked about her.
when the weather is fine, the eldest daughter's umbrella cannot be sold.
when it rains, the little girl's shoes don't sell well.
every time I think about it, I can't help but cry.
passers-by thought about it and enlightened her: but when it rains, the business of the daughter selling umbrellas is good, and when it is sunny, the daughter who sells shoes does good business.
on hearing this, the granny changed her mind and immediately smiled.
since then, her life has been less worried and more relaxed.
in fact, in this life, people will encounter problems similar to those of old ladies.
some people are trapped in pain, while others are disturbed by daily chores.
A lot of times, you just need to think differently and everything will work out.
I think of a friend who was depressed because he was lovelorn.
she wanted to talk to her best friend about her sadness, but her best friend only replied faintly: "it's just lovelorn, how big it is."
one sentence, let this friend fall into deep remorse.
not only feel sad about the failure of love, but also feel guilty about being unable to extricate themselves.
until someone told her: you have nothing to lose without him, because you just lose someone who doesn't love you, but he loses the one who loves her most.
the girl's mood slowly improved and came out bit by bit.
in fact, what we need at this time is not someone to analyze the problem, but someone who is willing to stand on your side and think for you.
Ta knows you are sad and understands your situation.
it relieves your pain and calms your emotions.
knowing how to transposition is the greatest kindness of a person.
I think it is difficult for you and willing to understand each other
We have been saying that you have to learn to transposition, but most people can't do it.
We are transposing on the surface, but in fact we are still thinking in our own way, and it is difficult to understand each other's hearts.
I have heard a story:
during maternity leave, my wife takes care of the children at home, and the family affairs are trivial and complicated. At the end of a busy day, I often have a sore back and a bad temper.
when I was exhausted, I happened to see my husband coming home from work.
but as soon as I got home, my husband sat on the sofa and played games without saying a word.
seeing such a scene, my wife was angry.
first she complains about her husband, then she knows how to play games, doesn't know how to accompany the children, and helps her share the housework.
seeing that my husband didn't respond, he lost his temper: I work hard day by day, and you don't understand me at all.
when the husband heard the complaint, he thought to himself, "I've been out all day, but you don't understand me, and you take it out on me."
then he began to complain about his wife's laziness, poor housework and poor care of the children.
A dispute arises from this.
it is not difficult to imagine that if two people develop according to this mode of doing things, the relationship will easily fall apart.
but what can I do if such a relationship wants to last?
someone has given an answer:
manage well, while managing relationships, you need to be considerate of others.
this kind of transposition is not to compare miserably with each other, but to find problems to solve problems and find contradictions to quell disputes.
is to put aside your subjective feelings for a while, listen patiently to each other, tell each other what they think, and read each other's difficulties.
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is to support and understand each other over the long years.
is a kind of understanding that you know I am cold and warm, and I understand that it is not easy for you.
stand in the other party's position, what you gain is no longer complaining and rebuking, but understanding and tolerance.
only in this way can we resolve most of the contradictions in life.
I understand your pain, and I am willing to compare your heart to heart
. More importantly, transposition is a kind of head-up, not a kind of overlooking.
you may remember such a thing: just after New Year's Day, a takeout worker in Xiantao, Hubei, fell under the stick of the security guard in the community.
the cause and development of things are very simple:
the takeout staff delivers food in the early hours of the morning and wants to enter the community, waking up the sleeping security guard.
the security guard was so angry that he blocked the door and refused to let in.
after a quarrel, the security guard picked up a stick and hit the takeout clerk on the head, scolding "screaming, you're screaming!"
the stick broke the helmet and the head, and in an instant, there was a lot of blood.
when the ambulance arrived at the scene, he had no signs of illness.
hearing the bad news of her husband's death, the takeout wife was devastated:
We all came out to make a living, why did the security guard embarrass him so much?
more people can't accept it either: if you just send a meal through the door, why should it kill a person?
but in the world, not every question has an answer.
the sigh a thousand times after the accident is not as much as the understanding before the accident.
in the final analysis, what is missing between people is heart to heart.
this kind of heart-to-heart comparison is not that I ask myself to be high above and show mercy to you, but that I really think what you think, understand your difficulties, and am willing to put myself in your shoes.
it's not just takeout workers and security guards, it's all the same for millions of us who live in this land.
different positions, different ways of looking at problems, different angles, naturally different ways of dealing with problems.
Life, each has its own difficulties and hardships.
but people who know how to transposition are bound to pass on their goodwill to more people around them.
there is a classic story--
someone invited a blind friend to dinner, and the dinner ended very late. The host specially lit a lantern for the blind friend and told him to take it on the road.
the blind man is very angry:
the master replied:
I order not for you, but for passers-by, so that when you walk in the dark, you will not be afraid of others bumping into you.
the blind are deeply moved.
people who really know how to think of others will understand the difficulties of others, be considerate of their sufferings, and be willing to forget their mistakes.
those who love to return, and those who come and go are blessed.