The eight golden laws of interpersonal communication, learn to take many detours less (every rule is accurate! )
Good morning, accompany you to read.
Marx said: "Communication is the inevitable companion of human beings."
when we are alive, we inevitably get in touch with others.
how to grasp the yardstick of communication between people is not only a kind of EQ, but also a kind of wisdom.
Today, I have sorted out eight super-practical laws of interpersonal communication for you to understand a lot of detours.
replace the law
there is a saying spread on the Internet: "everyone's life needs to be explored by themselves."
in daily communication, you can give advice, but don't make decisions for others, even out of kindness.
this is the law of substitution.
sometimes, what you think is right may not be right for the other person.
relationship blogger @ Liangzi shared such an experience.
he and his girlfriend are getting married and are going to buy a house. Out of kindness, my cousin helped him find a house with a high ratio of performance to price.
after reading it, he felt that the lighting was not good and he was not satisfied with it.
my cousin said that because the house is close to the subway, there is a lot of room for appreciation, so it's a pity not to start.
he wanted to make a decision before comparing others, but he was sincerely persuaded by his cousin to buy the house.
A year later, my girlfriend was suffocated by poor lighting and suspected that my cousin had ulterior motives.
my cousin felt aggrieved when he knew about it, and the two families broke up at one stroke.
as the saying goes, "good intentions do bad things."
No matter how good the relationship is, don't make decisions for others. If everyone is happy, it will be good; if not, your kindness may make you bear the blame.
you know, the greatest wisdom to help is to grasp the yardstick.
in life, some people always take others for fools, but do not realize that they are the biggest fools.
as an old saying goes, "cleverness is mistaken."
in a lifetime, the smarter you are, the more you tend to suffer.
actress Sun Li once anonymously sponsored a poor student Xiang Haiqing.
in order to provide for his studies, Sun Li paid all his living expenses, even if his mother was ill, Sun Li helped generously.
one day, he suddenly realized that the person who silently helped him was a big star, so he came up with the idea of being "smart".
under the pretext of studying, he asked Sun Li for a grant, but secretly indulged with his friends.
when Sun Li learned of this, he sadly stopped funding, and he was suspended for a year because of this.
Shakespeare said, "the fool thinks he is wise, but the wise man knows himself."
the greatest stupidity in life is to always take others for fools.
never think that you are completely calculating and flawless. No one in this world is really stupid, others just don't say.
all cleverness will make people pay a heavy price in the end.
the simpler you live, the happier you will be.
the law of ignorance
pretending to be ignorant is a very necessary skill in our life.
those who are too smart should be strong everywhere and cannot achieve great things.
Laozi has a saying: "if you are clumsy, you will argue slowly."
people who are really smart look clumsy and don't show their edge.
during the reign of Kangxi, during the famine, there was a family surnamed Wu. In order to keep the whole family alive, three children were allowed to grab a steamed bread and sell it to whoever got it.
when the eldest and the second learned of this, no one grabbed the food, but the third grabbed the steamed bread, and his parents sold him to a rich man with tears in his eyes.
when he arrived at the rich man's house, he laughed at everyone and rushed to do the dirty work. Everyone laughed and called him the "three fools".
however, the rich man thinks that he knows how to hide and is quite wise.
it was only after some conversation that he knew that he was deliberately scrambling for food and wanted to rush out to achieve his career.
the rich man was surprised and thought he was very good at being a human being, so he was introduced to the fourth master of his new boss.
these four masters are the future Emperor Yongzheng, and he is the praiseworthy cloth prime minister Wu Sidao.
Shakespeare once said, "it is better to be a wise fool than to be a stupid wise man."
A really smart person knows how to be a "fool" in front of outsiders.
Life is like this. The more stupid you are, the more you get.
the Law of jealousy
I don't know if you have found that people are jealous of strangers, but people around them have made small achievements.
just as Mr. Lu Xun said, "many people can't see others lead a good life. If they don't have it, they will hate it if they have it. If they are pursuing something they don't have but want very much, they will try their best to encourage them to say: it's not good."
once upon a time, a peasant woman saved a monster.
in order to repay her, the monster promised to grant her three wishes, but at the same time the neighbors will get double.
so the peasant woman made her first wish to get a warehouse of grain. When the family was happy, they found that their neighbors had two warehouses of grain, and their happiness disappeared.
the peasant woman's second wish is to become rich. As a result, the neighbors have more money than they do.
seeing that the neighbor was happier than she was, and the jealousy in the peasant woman's heart spread and grew, she made a third wish and broke her arm.
like a sentence very much: "those who like to send flowers are surrounded by flowers; those who plant thorns secretly are surrounded by thorns."
Don't see the good of others, it will do more harm than good. Give others roses, their own hands have a fragrance.
to be kind to others is to help yourself.
the law of cactus
people drive the cactus into the desert because it is covered with thorns.
be a smooth person, don't live as a cactus, otherwise you can only find your home in the desert.
as the ancients said, "when the water is clear, there is no fish, and when people observe, there is no apprentice."
Zeng Guofan had hoped that his brothers would follow his example and get rid of their shortcomings, so he sent home letters.
in the letter from home, he criticized his brothers one by one and lost face.
after reading this, the younger brothers protested one after another and jointly wrote to him, scolding him for being unkind and like to scold others, so they alienated him.
later, he woke up and thought that even if he was well-intentioned, he should not have used such an hurtful way.
after introspection, he sent another letter of review in exchange for the understanding of his brothers.
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the poet Liu Zongyuan once said, "in the middle of the square, the circle is outside."
many people always feel that they should be upright and upright, so they speak with thorns.
but in fact, there is no conflict between integrity and smoothness.
rules are your bottom line; smoothness is kindness to others.
No one likes people with thorns all over. Only by learning to properly pack their own words and make others comfortable can they feel at ease.
Law of losing money
when dealing with people, some people are always afraid of being taken advantage of.
so always be on guard, be careful everywhere, and make yourself physically and mentally exhausted.
in fact, as long as you think you have nothing to lose, others must not take advantage.
this is the law of loss.
Zhihu netizen @ Lin belt fish shared a story.
A new colleague has come to the company. He is rustic. Everyone sees him as a bully and often puts the work at hand on him.
he doesn't mind helping everyone get things done silently.
when the supervisor saw that he was diligent, he asked him to do a lot of things along with him. Instead of complaining, he was happy every time.
his colleagues laughed at him for being stupid, unpaid and full of energy.
he still doesn't care.
later, the branch was set up and the company sent a supervisor to manage it.
the supervisor offered to take him away from the company, and he became the fastest person to be promoted in the company.
there is a good saying: "if you have nothing to lose, you look at your state of mind."
some people think that doing more work is a loss, while others think it is exercise.
some people feel that it is a loss to be taken advantage of, while others think it is to accumulate human feelings.
there is no road in vain in life, but every step counts when you cross the bridge in vain.
if you are willing to suffer losses, the opportunity will come.
the law of onions and garlic
the so-called law of onions and garlic means that those who treat themselves too much are often very good at pretending to be onions.
the wood is better than the forest, and the wind will destroy it.
if you take yourself too seriously, it is doomed to be a disaster.
the famous music conductor Walter Damrosch became a conductor when he was in his 20s. Wherever he toured, the stage was filled with flowers and applause.
he proudly thinks that his talent is unparalleled in the world and his position is unshaken.
one day of rehearsal, he forgot to bring his baton and was about to send someone home to pick it up.
the secretary said, "No, just borrow one from the rest of the band."
Walter asked puzzled, "Why does anyone else carry a baton but me?"
the voice is still declining, and the cellist, violinist and pianist each pull out a baton.
Walter suddenly woke up and found that the band could still operate without him.
there are people outside the people, and there are days outside the sky.
Don't take yourself too seriously. The earth will go round without you.
people who are really powerful are all in glory without publicity, and people are complacent and not arrogant.
the more humble a man is, the more noble he is.
Law of Communication
70% of the contradictions in the world are caused by poor communication. If communication is solved, all problems will be solved.
Cai Kangyong said: "to practice speaking well is the most cost-effective thing."