I don't know the direction, but I know where the light is.
When you are confused, what you need is not thinking but action, because at least you won't feel empty.
"what is the state of confusion?"
when I get up every day, I find that I can't remember what I did yesterday and
what I'm going to do today.
my heart beats faster before I go to bed, and I feel very uneasy when I have nothing to do.
where is the road and where will it lead?
you sit in a boat with pulp, but you don't know which direction to row.
it doesn't work from time to time:
it's like a long-awaited bus that doesn't come,
and then I don't know whether to wait or take a taxi.
there are obviously a lot of empty things to do
but I don't know where I start to feel like I'm not myself
"start with a story"
there is a story about a man lying under a streetlight looking for something. A passing policeman asked him what he was looking for. The drunk man replied, "look for the car keys." The police officer asked, "did you lose it here?" He said, "Oh, I lost it in the park." Seeing that the policeman was confused, he hastened to explain: "the light here is much brighter."
if I asked you to use one word to describe the man above, what word would you use? Stupidity was my first reaction.
but let's think about what the story is trying to say. This man knows exactly what he needs and where to find what he needs, but he chooses to "carve the boat and seek the sword", drifting away from his goal. Maybe you think the whole story is unreasonable, so I'll adapt the story so that we can understand it from a different point of view.
this story is about a college student who was constantly reading in the library. A friend who happened to be passing by asked him what he was reading. The student who watched while taking notes replied, "knowledge and ability of education and teaching". " The friend asked, "so you want to be a teacher in the future?" "No, I want to do cultural and creative work," he said. " Seeing that his friend was very confused, he hurriedly explained: "but that one does not have a textbook. After all, this one has a teacher qualification certificate."
is there a sense of deja vu, that "drunken men" are lurking around us? In fact, the classmate who soaked in the library above is me. In a society where everything is about qualifications, certificates that can prove our qualifications have become extremely important. I know a friend who works very hard. as an accounting student, he has even obtained the "tourist Guide Certificate" and "Insurance qualification Certificate". I was curious, so I asked him about his future employment direction. "I don't know," he said. "who knows what we will do in two years? But for these certificates, one more sense of security is better than none at all. "
here, he mentioned the word "sense of security". In fact, in my opinion, he is not short of sense of security. Not only does he have the N card in hand, but his school is also one of the most famous universities in the country. although he does not hold any important position in the school organization, from his circle of friends, he is full of confidence in the future. But it turns out that in real life outside of moments, he admitted that he would also feel that there is no sense of security.
actually I skipped class this morning because I woke up at 08:40. I was trying to write something, but I just sat in front of the computer, browsing through Zhihu aimlessly, and every now and then opened the interface of the official account to see if there were any new fan messages. At the same time, I kept staring at the time in the lower right corner of the desktop. Look at it from 01 to 30. Watching the minutes go by, I felt very anxious, because I knew that what I should do was to read or write, or else I would quickly memorize CET-4 words, but thirty minutes later, I didn't do anything. I'm still watching Zhihu's question and answer about Tianya Maopu. I began to think about whether I should really do something, such as watching "currency War" on KINDLE, or "non-violent Communication", so I started searching for book reviews and introductions to "non-violent Communication" on Douban. But once again deviated from the direction, I clicked on the women's federation trailer in Douban movie, and watched the film review of "Twelve Citizens". Half an hour passed again.
until my roommate sat next to me after getting up and washing, he sighed and said, "I don't know when this life will end. I don't know what I'm doing."
I just realized that I may not be the only one who is anxious, but my roommates also have the same idea. Sometimes skipping classes is not necessarily unbridled fun, but full of loss. In two hours, I didn't read, write or memorize words. All the emotions of guilt, guilt and regret swarmed up. I didn't know what I was doing. Even though I knew I should forget the past and take the book and start reading, I didn't listen to my hands and feet and still didn't do what I didn't do. I suddenly wondered if there were a lot of people who might be like me. Know what you should do, but don't do it, and call it "confusion".
in fact, today's topic is what I heard this Saturday when I attended the "HI 5" activity organized by Guangwai Creative Society. The person who said this sentence is Huang Tian Tian. She put it this way:
11 sophomore year, the school gave me too much confusion. Some people say, "when you are confused, what you need is not thinking but action, because at least you won't feel empty." So I ran out desperately, trying to get rid of the panic caused by this confusion. This year, because I bought a SLR, I began to shoot a lot. This is a picture taken during practice of a little girl running in the shadow of a tree. It was something that moved me-I didn't know what direction was, but I knew where there was light.
actually, when I heard this sentence, II think of the story I told you in the first half. When I was a freshman, I lost the direction of my life and didn't know what I could do, so for a while the "light" in my eyes was "certificate". At that time, I tried my best to learn things I didn't like and memorize words that I hated. But I later found that I was really not fit to be a teacher, so I gave up.
but giving up also means that all the time I spent on textual research has been wasted. I find that we often strive for something we don't need, just like looking for a key lost in the park under a streetlight, which runs counter to our dreams.
this state is also mentioned in Huang Tian Tian's later sharing-for a confused person, many things, even if serious, can hardly be said to be enthusiastic.
what kind of work is right for us, or what we like. These are the two issues that we have thought about most in our four years of college. Some people may "ride a donkey to find a horse" and run and think at the same time; some people may "wait and wait" and sit in front of the computer while playing games while thinking; and some people have already aimed at the goal and are constantly moving towards the goal.
No matter what state you are in now, I hope you can know where there is light, because I think the "light" mentioned by Huang Tian-Tian is not those useless certificates, nor is it the social standard to measure a person's "good or bad". It is not the self-righteous expectation of adults.
the light she said should be emitted from the kind of life we yearn for in our hearts.
if you can't even find the direction of the light, you might as well try everything, even if you don't like the certificate. Maybe do something you don't like in order to remember what you like to do. My views are somewhat contradictory. It would be nice for you to keep the opinion that suits you best.
Huang Tian Tian
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