How big is the gap between families who "set rules" and those who "don't set rules"?

some time ago, I saw a video.

A 6-year-old girl sits at the dinner table with her family, always shaking her head, making faces and shouting.

one moment he said that he would not eat, and then he said, "No one is allowed to eat shrimp, it's all mine!"

sometimes, the rice in your mouth is out of water, and you don't want to swallow it. Instead, you keep chattering.

in the middle of the meal, she went down the table to look for snacks.

after I found it, I simply lay down on the ground and ate with relish.

her parents watched without a rebuke, smiling at their children's wayward nonsense.

I don't think the child's behavior is out of line at all.

there are comments that

although it is the instinct of parents to love their children, it is their responsibility to make rules.

Liang Qichao emphasized in on early Childhood:

what kind of person children will become when they grow up is often hidden in the education that children receive when they are young.

01

the biggest dereliction of duty as a parent

is when I saw a piece of news at the beginning of May.

in Shanghai Disneyland, a little boy saw the Winnie Pooh played by the staff, rushed up without saying a word, and punched him in the stomach several times.

when the staff next to him saw it, they hurriedly stopped it and asked Winnie Bear to hurry back behind the scenes.

some staff members find the parents of their children and understand and explain the situation with the parents.

but after listening to the staff, the father did not feel that he did not take good care of the child, but plausibly said:

"the prop suit will not be broken, so why do you have to embarrass the child?"

No matter what the staff said, the father interrupted loudly to excuse his child.

while the beatings stand by and play with their fingers.

behind the unscrupulous children are often the parents' unprincipled support and bottomless arrogance.

if parents don't want to discipline a child, one day someone else will teach him.

there was a boy who made crazy trouble at McDonald's and made a mess in the restaurant.

he not only threw the milkshake on the floor, but also jumped on the table, pointing at the clerk and shouting abuse.

the child's parents did not come out to stop the whole process.

later, a guest in the store couldn't see it, so he rushed up, dragged the boy and threw him out of the store.

another man was shopping in the supermarket when he met a child who kept hitting him in the leg with a shopping cart.

the mother stood right behind her child, but did not make any move to discipline her child.

later, the man couldn't stand it so much that he picked up a bottle of milk from the shopping cart and poured it on the child's head.

the little boy finally stopped his movements and cried loudly.

I remember the writer Jenny Ellim said:

"the shortcomings of children are not terrible."

the terrible thing is that parents, as guides in their children's lives, lack correct concepts of tutoring and methods of parenting. "

parents keep making concessions for their children because of their love for their children, but no one tells their children that their behavior is wrong.

this is not true love, but pushing the child to the edge of a cliff.

without rules, there is no square.

parents can indulge their children, but society will not spoil them.

those uncorrected mistakes are like a ticking time bomb embedded in the body, which will one day make children suffer the consequences.

02

A child with no rules

can't go far

A story has been shared by netizens on Zhihu.

his cousin's academic performance is very excellent. Junior high school is the top three of the school, and he was easily admitted to the key high school in the senior high school entrance examination.

but in high school, my cousin was persuaded by the school to quit.

because all he has left is to stir up trouble except for one eye-catching achievement at school.

for example, he deserted in class and talked to other students.

the teacher kindly reminded him not to desert in class, so he yelled at the teacher and said,

"silly X, what do you care?" Who are you? "

for example, he took his classmate's basketball without his classmate's consent.

in the face of the questioning from his classmates, he not only did not apologize, but also felt that the other side was provoking him.

even found a gangster outside the school and beat that classmate up in the hutong.

later, the school announced criticism and gave him a drop-out punishment.

writer Liu Yong once said a thought-provoking remark:

if parents do not educate their children now, they will have to repay the compulsory course of "rules" with their children's future in the future.

I remembered a message I saw some time ago.

the child star Wang Xinyi in the Dolphin Bay Lovers has an excellent acting skills at a young age, so it can be said that there is no limit to the future.

however, when he grew up, he was sentenced to 17 years in prison for hacking people to death in a fight.

Nothing could be more curvaceous than our formal gowns for marine corps ball . Why don’t you pick the cheap but high quality dress?

since childhood, his parents have been lack of discipline for him. When he was a teenager, he skipped class and smoked, but his parents turned a blind eye to him.

Mom watched him play a large-scale video strip game with his fans and turned a blind eye.

after these indecent videos were exposed, the parents bit back and said that fans seduced their son.

the cover-up of his parents has made his path of growth more and more crooked.

ended up in prison. He was in his twenties. He was supposed to be the best time in his life, but he could only spend more than ten years in a high wall.

there is a "Hain's rule" in psychology:

means that behind every serious accident, there must be 29 minor accidents, 300 attempts and 1000 hidden accidents.

Children usually make countless small mistakes before they cause a big disaster.

as parents, the most basic love for children is to give them correct behavior guidance and three values.

if a child has no rules, he is like a racing car without brakes.

Light is just an ordinary friction collision. If you suffer a minor injury, the car will be destroyed and someone will die and lose your whole life.

03

parents should learn to be ruthless

parents should learn to be cruel

there is a passage in

once watched a video.

there is a child who must have what he wants.

if his demands are not met, he will cry regardless of the occasion.

once, the mother took the child out and the child wanted a bag of snacks, but the child was young and the mother did not buy it for him.

as a result, the child lay directly on the dirty ground, rolling and crying at the top of his voice.

so the mother gave in, picked up the baby and bought snacks for the child.

because the mother indulges compromise again and again, the child becomes more and more out of control.

later, my mother decided not to compromise. No matter how much the baby cried, the mother was unmoved. When the child was almost done, his mother went up to him and asked him,

"do you realize what you did wrong now?"

the child, who has always been lawless, finally looked at his mother carefully and apologized to his mother.

be soft on children because parents love their children. But sometimes this love is a drag on education.

not soft-hearted, not indulgent, looks cold, but it is precisely the dignity that parents should have when educating their children.

Reagan, a former president of the United States, secretly set off illegal fireworks by the bridge at the age of 11, causing great panic among local residents and pedestrians on the bridge, and many people thought the bridge was going to collapse.

A resident called the police, and he was caught by the police.

in the end, the police had to call his father and ask him to pay a fine of $12.50.

the father was very angry, not only because the money was not a small sum at that time, but also because the child was annoyed at causing trouble.

although he finally paid the fine, he solemnly said to Reagan:

"there is money in the family, but I can't give it to you this time. You should be responsible for your own wrongdoing.

I'll lend you $12.50 for the time being, but you must pay me back within a year! "

in order to pay off his debts, Reagan had to work while going to school to earn money.

because he is small and weak, he can only go to the restaurant to wash dishes or pick up scraps.

all this the father saw in his eyes and hurt in his heart, but he never gave the child any help.

Reagan suffered a lot before he saved enough $12.50 to give it back to his father.

later, when Reagan became president, he wrote in his memoirs:

"taking responsibility through my own work has taught me what responsibility is."

as the saying goes, there are no rules, no square.

the rules will stay with the child all his life, guide him to grow up, and teach him to behave in the world.

parents who know how to set rules for their children can cultivate promising children.

04

I remember that Li Meijin, an expert in juvenile delinquency psychology, once said:

"when children are 3 to 6 years old, they must cultivate their character properly." And the so-called character cultivation is to set rules for children.

the most important thing is that parents should be aware that when their children are young, they should make rules, and you should be serious. "

it is not the protection of parents, but the discipline of parents that determines the position of children in the future.

Let the child know what the rules are and how to obey the rules, so that the child can tell right from wrong.

this is the most useful "umbrella" for children to prop up their future.