Girls who are not confident when they grow up all come from these four families.
Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
recently relived "it must be you" and saw a girl who called herself "cactus".
her name is Hu Di. She is a high achiever. She won seven first-class scholarships in a row while she was at school.
strong learning ability, eloquence and meticulous thinking, she won high praise from all the interviewers on the court.
according to reason, she, who is so excellent, must be very confident, but when the host wants to know more about her, she says:
the tone is full of negation and inferiority complex.
even the host can't stand watching. I can't help but encourage her, hoping that she can think more about where she is better than others and be confident.
it is really a pity that she is obviously a very capable girl, but she lacks self-confidence and cannot see her own advantages and abilities.
as the saying goes:
"lack of self-confidence is a terrible thing, it will make a person shrink himself infinitely until in the end the world has no one."
A girl who lacks self-confidence and is used to self-abasement has limited thinking everywhere, so it is difficult to live a beautiful and tough life.
Professor Li Meijin once said that parents are to blame for children's problems. In the final analysis, girls who are easy to deny themselves and lack self-confidence are influenced by their parents in the family environment.
and these four families are inevitably raising girls who are not confident.
A loving family
in the movie the Life of abandoned Pine Nuts, the life of pine nuts is a tragic tragedy.
Father favors his sister and never looks her in the eye. Even if she gives gifts to her sister and father, her heart is still closed.
the cold family atmosphere and the lack of love in childhood made her deeply question the meaning of her existence.
rejected more times, she becomes sensitive and inferiority complex, trying to please everyone.
after graduating from college, because of inferiority complex, she listened to the bad guys to encourage her to go astray and let others trample on her.
she said, I am sorry that I was born alive.
her parents never nourished her with love. She instinctively thought that she didn't deserve to be loved and failed to live.
as long as others "love" her a little bit, she will hold on to her life like a straw, until finally, she dies in the despair of being abandoned.
it is impossible for a girl who has never felt love to really love and believe in herself.
the Glian Institute found that women have more active areas of the brain than men, so they are in urgent need of interpersonal and intimate stimulation.
if the desire for "love" is not satisfied, girls will be extremely lack of sense of security and self-confidence.
only when her parents can give her enough intimacy will she be full of trust and enthusiasm for herself and her life.
Jiang Liwen, the daughter of Hong Kong actress Qin Pei, became a hot topic among netizens in the variety show "Girls' boyfriend".
this smiling girl is full of confidence and can't see that she is a child of a single-parent family at all.
even if her love has been badly hurt, she has not been depressed and soon adjusted.
Dad Qin Pei contributed to such confidence and sunshine.
when his daughter was young, no one took care of her, so he reduced his workload.
he always tries to be satisfied with what his daughter likes and does not pass the buck easily.
even if his daughter is too old to get married, he respects and supports him unconditionally.
Japanese parenting expert Zhu Fuxiang believes that
the love of her parents is like sunshine and rain nourishing her, making her feel her own value and meaning and believe that she is worthy of all good things.
Girls surrounded by love will love themselves, accept themselves, and live with the most confident appearance.
parents' strong family
in the first issue of "Gold Mediation", daughter Xiaomao accused her mother of self-abasement as soon as she appeared.
her boyfriend, whose mother disliked this and that, advised her to break up;
she had a pleasant conversation with the opposite sex, and her mother was not used to it, so she set up access control and attendance, and stipulated the number of meetings.
even the job that I thought was good had to be given up at the command of my mother.
nowadays, Xiao Mao is alone and his job is unstable.
Mother and daughter, who seem to get along well with each other, are competing behind the scenes:
the mother is strong and has a strong desire to control;
the daughter suffers from inferiority complex, but she wants to escape but can only resist passively, because she is afraid to associate with others and doesn't know what she can do.
under her mother's many "orders", she has long lost her own opinion and direction in life.
Leonardo Sachs, PhD in psychology, believes that
Leonardo Sachs, Ph. D. in psychology, believes that
Leonardo Sachs, PhD in psychology, believes that
actress Yang Zi once played Xiaoyu, a single-parent girl in hear her say.
on her 26th birthday, Xiaoyu complained to her cell phone alone about the despair of being manipulated by a powerful mother.
since her father had an affair and left home, her mother has taken over her life, taking care of her three meals a day, her studies and friends, and her future life plans.
for so many years, as long as someone is kind to her, she is worried about gains and losses and is afraid that she is not worthy of each other.
when she was most miserable, she wanted to go back to strangling herself 26 years ago, and she didn't want to live such an inferiority complex.
most of the time, parents always use authority to ask girls to be obedient and sensible, and think that being "good" isThe best quality of a girl.
but often overlook that the girl's unconditional obedience is not a good thing at all, but is so restrained that she has no chance to speak, and is too weak to stand up.
the stronger the parents are, the weaker the children are.
parents who do not know how to give way, let go and show weakness will never be able to raise an excellent and confident girl.
families that prefer sons to daughters
someone once asked on the Internet: what kind of harm did your parents bring you when you were growing up, and you still can't let go?
most of the sharers are girls, and the topics are inseparable from the words "preference for boys over daughters".
an anonymous netizen used her own experience to denounce her parents' indifference that they only love their younger brother but not her.
after she was born, her parents worked hard to have a second child, hoping to have a boy, inherit incense, and raise children to prevent old age.
since she became a "sister", what she feels is not happiness and happiness, but a sense of fatalism that she is unable to get rid of her struggle:
she is an elder sister and can only be ranked behind her younger brother.
when there is meat at home, my younger brother always eats it first, and then it's her turn to eat leftovers.
when the elders give red envelopes, the younger brother is always double, and she is sometimes forgotten and ignored.
is also criticized by the teacher. The younger brother is comforted by his parents, but she will inevitably be punished.
now that she has graduated and left to work in a different place, her parents still ask her for money from time to time, saying that they want to buy this and that for her brother.
sometimes she couldn't help complaining and complaining, and her mother attacked her directly:
her habit was ignored, exploited, and forced to live as a "helping brother demon." she couldn't see her own value and way out, and she was submissive all day long. I always feel like I'm dispensable.
A family that favors sons over daughters cannot get out of confident and happy children.
like Fan Shengmei in Ode to Joy, she is beautiful, generous, smart and capable, but her parents only regard her as a cash machine.
every day she calculates how much family she can give her brother a month. She would rather spend money on her little grandson than care about her food and clothing.
with such parents, how can Fan Shengmei live a truly confident and free and easy life?
she loves vanity, but she has nothing;
she yearns for success, but dares not to venture bravely.
the inferiority and low self-worth caused by her original family are deeply imprinted in her bones.
Professor Li Meijin once said:
Girls growing up in an environment that favors sons over daughters are used to being objectified by their parents and learn to see themselves and the world from a narrow perspective.
it's not that she doesn't love herself, but she doesn't know how to think highly of herself.
she wanted to escape, but she was tortured and tortured in the cage built by her parents. In the end, she was unable to resist and had to be destroyed slowly.
A 12-year-old girl in Zhangjiajie, Hunan Province, who couldn't stand her mother's criticism, left a note and ran away from home.
all the time, she studies well and is obedient at home.
it's just that my mother is usually busy at work and has no time to accompany her, coupled with the habit of "cracking down on education", which makes her feel that she is not as good as others.
since I can't be a good child in my mother's heart, I just choose to run away and give up myself.
living in a home accustomed to "bad reviews", girls don't know the point of staying at home.
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Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook, once said:
"Girls will be denied all kinds of things when they are growing up."
these unfair judgments of girls will have negative implications, girls will be implied that they are born weak in learning, this kind of words undermine girls' confidence and make girls doubt themselves. "
accustomed to the "bad reviews" of their parents, the child seemed to be injected with a dose of poison, which not only destroyed self-confidence, but also almost ruined his life.
Psychological interview once walked into the home of Fan Chengjin, a senior Neet.
in terms of self-care ability, she has no problem at all. She just doesn't have any motivation to change her depressed self.
when it comes to her problems, my mother keeps cursing:
similar "bad reviews" are full of Fan Chengjin's life.
for as long as she can remember, my mother has made all kinds of cynicism: "you can't even cook, what can you do in the future?"
when she happily wanted to show her mother her costume design, her mother swore and shouted, "what's the use?" Go read a book. "
in this family, she never received a word of encouragement and praise, which led her to become more and more self-abased and felt that she could not do anything well and could only muddle through the rest of her life.
there is a "labeling effect" in psychology, which means that once people are labeled with a certain label, they will become the person marked by the label.
Girls are prone to self-attribution.
when her parents keep accusing her that she can't do it, she thinks, "I really can't." as long as her parents dislike her bad, she will only despise and deny herself.
these bad labels are constantly putting on her, forcing her to realize her parents'"bad expectations" step by step.
the more bad reviews she gets, the less she will be able to give herself high marks and may break down and give up on herself.
so parents might as well be more generous on weekdays, give our girl more likes and praise, so that she can see her own advantages and bright spots, and live a confident and beautiful life.
Australian family expert Steve Bidalf believes that raising strong girls requires efforts from an early age.
A girl is like a seed with unlimited potential. what she needs to grow up is love, freedom, respect and encouragement.
what parents have to do is to constantly nourish her, encourage her, and hone her.
I believe that one day, they will be able to stand on the stage of their own life, blooming the most confident brilliance, filled with the most refreshing charm of the flowers.