Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
there is a very true line in Nirvana in Fire:
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"how many good friends are there in the world, who are of the same age and like-minded, and could have never crossed each other all their lives.
but who would have expected a sudden change? from then on, we can only watch Tianya's journey far away. "
in fact, it is not only friendship, but also many relationships in life.
Why are you so intimate at the beginning, but you can walk, but the friendship becomes weaker and weaker?
one doesn't ask, one doesn't say
such a set of formulas have been circulated on the Internet:
I don't ask + you don't say = misunderstand
I asked + you don't say = estrangement
I asked + you said = respect
you want to ask = tacit understanding
I don't ask + you say = trust
think about it.
one does not ask, thinking that the other person will say, one does not say, thinking that the other person will understand.
but in fact, even people who are familiar with each other will never know what they are thinking if they don't communicate.
as the saying goes:
back and forth, each other does not know what each other thinks, with the passage of time, the contradictions will accumulate deeper and deeper, and the cracks in feelings will become bigger and bigger.
my friend Xinzi once had a very close sister Xiaomin.
when they were in college, they naturally became good friends because they shared the same dormitory.
they often go to and from classes together, go shopping for dinner, and are inseparable. But after graduating from work, the relationship between the two has become much worse than before.
Xiaomin works in a foreign company and often works late into the night. Because she is busy with her work all day, Xinzi calls her and sends messages, but often does not get a reply.
once, Xin Zi asked her out for dinner on her birthday. Xiaomin originally agreed, but she forgot it that day and didn't even say an apology later.
over time, Xinzi became more and more disappointed with Xiaomin and stopped contacting her actively.
at first, the two talked about everything, but now they have nothing to say. From the beginning, they sympathize with each other and become nothing at last.
silence is always the beginning of estrangement.
over time, each other will gradually have no common language and can no longer talk together, and finally the desire to talk and listen will disappear.
No matter how good the relationship is, if you don't communicate, it will change from fiery intimacy to insipid.
if you don't talk, I won't ask. Finally, in silence, a relationship gradually comes to an end.
one refuses to yield, the other refuses to give in
in life, no matter how good the relationship is, there will inevitably be contradictions and quarrels.
when two people get along, if both sides refuse to admit defeat, refuse to make a concession, and argue with each other endlessly;
in the end, they often win the result, but also lose their friendship.
A lot of feelings fade because one refuses to be soft and the other refuses to give in.
know what's right or wrong in a relationship, and know how to compromise in order to make a relationship last longer. I once read a very popular short story.
A husband plays chess with his wife and is on the brink of victory.
when his wife saw that she was about to lose, she began to lie that her horse could walk the word "field". Because it was a Chollima, her husband smiled and put up with it.
the wife also said that the soldiers could go backwards because they were special forces, the elephants could cross the river because they were Dumbo, and
she also said that her guns were anti-aircraft guns and could play without chess, and all these husbands put up with it.
to make matters worse, the wife unexpectedly killed her husband's general with her husband's taxi, saying that this was the undercover she had sent to lurk for many years.
finally, the winning husband lost to his wife.
so the wife happily went to wash clothes and cook.
in fact, the person who is willing to give in does not mean that he is wrong, but rather proves that he cherishes the relationship between you.
because I care, I am soft, and I am patient because I cherish it.
when two people disagree, one refuses to yield, the other refuses to give in, competes with each other, or even aggressive, and is likely to break up in discord.
any good relationship requires a person to be soft and give in first.
this is true for partners, for friends, and for parents and children.
it's not easy to meet, and it's even more difficult to stay with each other. Cherish the people in front of you, and don't let each other's friendship be eroded by small things.
one tries to please, and one takes it for granted.
all say that what feelings fear most is that you treat others with all your heart, in exchange for taking them for granted, or even getting worse.
I think so.
the relationship between people cannot be maintained by unilateral pandering and flattery.
No matter how deep the feeling is, if you don't know how to cherish it, you will eventually get separated.
A few days ago, the reader Lulu left a message backstage saying that she had broken up with her good friend Xiaoqin, whom she had played since childhood.
last week, the two planned to travel together, and Lulu had already arranged their air tickets and hotels in advance.
the day before leaving, Xiaoqin said that she would bring another friend with her, and suddenly there was a stranger. Lulu was actually very reluctant, but she was afraid that she would be disappointed when she refused Xiaoqin, so she agreed.
who knows, that friend was invited by Xiaoqin, soShe had to pay for the fee, but Xiaoqin didn't have enough money and wanted Lulu to help.
Lulu refused at that time. She usually went out with Xiaoqin and paid for her own food. Why should she spend money for someone she didn't know?
who would have thought, Xiaoqin unexpectedly said, "it's really stingy that I don't want to give you this little money."
when Lulu heard this, her heart thumped and immediately cut off from Xiaoqin.
never thought that she really meant to her. Not only did she not see any good for herself, but she fell out as soon as she failed.
I can't help thinking of what Li Gongjun said: of course, you make me feel cold.
in this world, no one takes it for granted to be nice to whom, all the pandering and tolerance, but because of cherishing you.
if a person is flattered in every way, he takes it for granted, and if he doesn't get any treasure, the best relationship will slowly fade in the loss again and again.
cherish those who are good to you, and don't ignore the efforts of others.
Don't squander other people's hearts and don't wait for them to lose.
all the feelings in our life are precious and we need to manage them with our heart.
any relationship, if you don't know how to cherish it, it will really fade slowly and then get separated.
the classic lines of the supreme treasure in "A Chinese Odyssey" are particularly piercing:
"there was a sincere feeling in front of me, but I didn't cherish it until it was too late."
this is the most painful thing on earth. "
May you and I live up to all our good intentions and don't have to please anything for granted for the rest of my life;
meet once, do and cherish.